Twelve Week Ultrasound

Monday morning was probably the worst morning I have ever had. I hardly slept the night before. - If you haven't already and would like to here is the link to my direct miscarriage story last year.- Now once you read that you'll understand exactly where I am coming from or you may have done through this yourself.

Anyway, as I was saying I was extremely nervous, my aniexty was in full force and I was just wanting to get the ultrasound over with.  We arrived at the hospital for our appointment (DH came with) and we checked in. Once checked in you're asked to wait in the waiting room with other VERY pregnant women and in my head I was thinking, oh how I wish I didn't have to worry about anything and I want to just get there and be that big and out of breath and be able to feel my baby move. I couldn't talk to anyone, I couldn't think. It was an insane feeling for me. I have never been this way in any pregnancy but since my losses it has been hard. It felt like I was in a bad dream and it was never going to end.

We waited for a good hour before the one tech called me in and she wasn't like the last tech I had for my first ultrasound at the hospital. She was professional and kinda rude - Rant: which honestly I don't understand. If you're going to work with people who are pregnant and you're going to be in kinda personal space then i think you should be somewhat of a professional but also a people person. There is no reason be rude. End of Rant - she told me to lay on the bed and put my end at the very top and lay still so, I did just that. She told me to relax and i told her that all I wanted to know was if there was a heartbeat or not. She said how come and I said that I had a miscarriage last year at 12 weeks and just was going nuts. She started ultrasound and the only thing she said to me was you have a jumping bean with a great heartbeat.

The feeling of relief is unreal. I don't even know how to explain the feeling that came over me in the moment. My emotions were all over the place, I felt like I could just cry tears of joy in that moment but I also wanted to scream with happiness and thank the lord for allowing me to carry a child again.

Anyway the appointment went. Doctor said that everything is great. Baby has no sign of down syndrome at this point and I go back for my next appointment on September 21st.

I announced out pregnancy to Facebook world yesterday and I was overly excited to share the news. I know that this will have a great outcome and I am so very thankful for this baby.

Update... It's Been To Long!

Hey everyone,


I know I haven't been around much in the past two months and I apologize. I mean I do have a valid explanation for it... Its a practical one. Really...

First the girls finished school and started camp and it was an awesome 6 weeks... wrong.. it was alright for the first two and then I got the call that would make any parent cringe, CAS wanted to make a visit Why!? You ask well here is what happen: I set my girls to school and DD#1 has Autism and ADHD, well she is a special one I tell ya, she decided to mention she was hungry, my kids HATE breakfast in the morning so I send them with extra snacks to get them through the day. Anyway, as I was saying, she mention she was angry to one of her Camp Leaders and that Camp Leader i guess had a problem with the way she dressed, mind you I don't send my kids in rags, but she did and then she came to the conclusion we had no food in our home and we were starving our kids. Well let me tell you when I got this call how LIVID I was. It was like seriously, she is always hungry and she never stops eating...if I don't put my foot down she would eat me out of house and home but really I was crazy mad and I went picked up my girls from Camp and got a hold of the principle running it and she was like "I am so sorry, the call was made before I could explain to the girl about Hailie." the principle knows my girls very well, we have a great relationship. Anyway they came and did there investigation and this girl seemed genuine. I mean we believed her when she said that she didn't have any concerns and everything was great at home and that there may be a few things we need to fix... like our mattress is on the floor with our a bed frame because it broke and we aren't sleeping on it but for reasons I had to split up my girls sleeping arrangements so, because DD#1 is sleeping on our mattress in our room we need to get another bed frame. Anyway, after two weeks and the annoyance of this girl just trying to find something wrong with our parenting, she finally closed the file. That was a great sigh of relief... I tell ya this parenting thing is not easy but we try our best!

Moving On......

So, that was one of the reasons I haven't been around for the last 2 months. You see it's time for a fertility update:

So, as I started in my last update May Recap, I updated you regarding my cycle.. well May 30th they started me on CD3 and on my Femara 5mg for cycles day 3-7. I went back June 9th to measure my follicles and to my surprise 1.7 and 1.9cm. I was thrilled. They told me I should ovulate within the next few days. Well I did the next day June 10th I ovulated!! OMG!! I was thrilled. Of course we BD and I took an easy the rest of the weekend but it was great to know that this could be it. I tested the next day and knew my TWW was starting and I was scared and nervous but I knew that if it was meant to happen it would. Well I am proud to say that June 21st 11dpo I found out we were expecting out RAINBOW baby and I was ecstatic. We are currently 11 weeks and I am finally almost over the horrible morning sickness... I can't eat dairy, meat or anything else that smells except for pickles!!

Our Rainbow Baby

May 2016 BIRTHDAY MONTH!!

May 2nd, 2016

So, today is Monday. I had an exhausting weekend trying to get some reno's done for our Trailer. 

I picked out a Grey Colour, the actually name escapes my head right now but once I remember I will edit to put it in or just write an updated blog.. Which will probably happen after everything is done. 

So the list of Reno's we are doing over the next two months is as follows:

Inside:

• Painting the Living Room and Hallway - DONE

• Kitchen is painted but we are putting a subway tile backsplash over it - Sometime this month

• Flooring is being changed out ? 🤔 Possible switching hardwood for tile flooring so much easier and then an area carpet will go down in the Living-room. Being done by the end of the May if we do, do it. 

• Kitchen and Bathroom Counter Tops are being Replaced - Beginning of June

Outside

Picture taken from Pinterest! Will post when ours is done!

• Deck is half built, finishing up this weekend coming!! 

• Campfire being moved over 3 feet and then designed... this is what we have decided on >>>

Before the end of May, since June is when we can start having Fires. 

 

• Our Memorial Garden for Our Angel. This is will be done on July 15th, 2016 a year after our Loss as remembrance plus it gives me a distraction. 😇😭

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Moving on from the Trailer... in other news AF has not shown up yet on CD41 currently and super pissed off. I don't know whats going on with my body as I have been super regular since our first actually cycle in October post miscarriage. Called my doctors which the Nurse called me back and told me they are placing me on Provera Orally and once I get my CD1 after that I can call and we will go forth with the Cycle monitoring plans and stated in my recent post >>> Check out: April 2016 RECAP <<<< for more information.  So, I will being starting tonight and hopefully after 7 days it doesn't take that long to get a period after that. (Internet via google said 3-7 days after I stop taking it which would out me on my vacation I guess this cancels this cycle out 😢) 

April 2016 Recap

Apr. 8th, 2016:

Today we had out appointment with our Fertility Specialist and a plan was laid out. We did Kerotyping/Chromosome testing so, as long as everything comes back normal, the plan is as follows:

Start Preg-vit and Baby Aspirin ASAP

• CD1:    Call in and book blood work and ultrasound for CD3
• CD3:    Hormone Blood Work and Ultrasound, plus start Femara. 
• CD3-7: Femara 
• CD7:    Start testing for ovulation 
• CD10:  Ultrasound 

Ovulation Cycle Day?? and then on CD21 we start Provera internally as precaution and help the embryo to attach properly to my Lining and testing at 12DPO.

If the first cycle fails next cycle will be with IUI. 

-------------------------------------------------

Plan B if tests come back abnormal is to do IVF. 

Apr. 14th, 2016:

We had DD's EEG today. She did amazing!! Did not need any medication to be relaxed. Allowed the nurse to do the test without moving... Thank Goodness for iPads and good thinking Mommy right!? 

-------------------------------------------------

Apr. 28th, 2016:

We got the results everything came back fine with the EEG but unfortunately we still don't know what is causing her blackouts. We do have a scheduled MRI and we have to go and do some genetic testing on her to see if there is anything we haven't ruled out yet.

Apr. 21st, 2016

Hello Mother Nature, Where are you!? Not here... WTH is going on!? Am I pregnant? 😳

Apr. 27th, 2016 

Had my appointment with my Endocrinologist today, Apparently I have Type II diabetes and of course I have Thyroid. I have been placed on Metiformin and have test my sugar and change my diet. I am also on .2mg of Snythyriod.  

Also, had bloodwork today for HCG. Awaiting results. 

------------------------------------------------

Apr. 28th, 2016

HCG came back <*2 so, its negative called my daughters office but she isn't in the office till Monday so, if I still don't have it by Monday I am to call and let them know. 

Apr. 29th, 2016

Happy Birthday to my Middle Daughter!! 

I can't believe She is 6 already!! She has been such a blessing to our lives. Everyday is exciting and she always lightens up our day!! We love our Babygirl!! She went from our quiet baby to I'm Miss Popular!! Dream Big Babygirl! Happy Birthday to our Little Monkey. 

View on Flipagram

My Miscarriage Story

April/May 2015

My second cycle on Femara was alright. I didn’t become a horrible person this time but I did have some nausea but all in all it was ok. I ovulated on CD19 once again and this time the wait was horrible. I just wanted this month to be our cycle. CD12 two days before my birthday in May I tested and I thought that I saw a line. It was faint, horribly faint but it was there. i was literally feeling sick to my stomach. May 12th - MY BIRTHDAY!! WOOHOOO. 27!! We were going to dinner and with dinner meant I could have a drink but then my husband came home and threw a test on the counter and said here before we go anywhere. So, off I went to pee in a cup and test. I placed in on the counter and covered it. I waited the 5 minutes and went back and although in my head I was like I don’t even know why i am bothering its negative but it wasn’t! I got my birthday gift. I am pregnant!! 

The First doctors visits

The next few days were blood work and confirmation. I remember sitting in a walk-in clinic and the doctor coming back and saying I am so sorry but its negative and I said are you sure… because I have had 3 positives at home. Ok, lets do some blood work. While I was leaving with my 3 year old in hand I went to where my test was on the counter and looked at it. I saw it there were two lines. The test just takes the 5 minutes it needs to finish. It was there. She came out of the room with another patient and i showed it to her. She confirmed and apologized and said do the blood work. So, i went and did the blood work and the 24 hours was horrible. I called I think 7 times and finally the clerk said ok I will call, then call you back. She did and levels were 38. Not a great number… its too low. The doctor wants to see you again she said. So, off I went back to the office. This time it was a different walk in doctor and he said I don’t like your numbers but lets do another to make sure it is going up. So, off I went to do blood work again and to my surprise it did go up. My 48hr blood work 138 still not great but I was taking it. I made an appointment with my OB. 

June 2015

I had my ultrasound at 6 weeks and 5 days around the second week of June and heard and saw the heartbeat for the first time. When seeing the ultrasound something told me that this pregnancy wasn't going to go well, something wasn't right but I was so excited and overwhelmed with joy that I didn't let it take over. On June 24, 2015 I had my first OB appointment ... from what I counted I should of been around 8 weeks or so from my ultrasound, which she sent us for another.

6 weeks and 3 days

The First time and last time we heard out babies heartbeat!

8 weeks and 5 days

After the ultrasound, my heart sank. I knew that there was definitely something and the baby was not properly forming but my doctor said everything is good with the heartbeat and there is nothing to worry about so, I went on not worrying. 

July 1st, 2015 

Happy Canada Day!! 🇨🇦

We had such a great time at Canada's Wonderland with family and our girls.. I made sure to take an easy and sit when I could and not attempt the rides that were so much fun. We had such a long day that it was nice to see the Fireworks!

July 6-10th, 2015

I started having this brownish discharge. I never paid a whole lot of attention to it but I did call my doctor and she told me she wanted me on bed rest for the time being and that if it got worse to head to the ER. So for 3 days I was couch bound. My husband stayed home to watch our 3 year old and get the girls to and from school and take care of the house chores. Then on Friday, July 10th it got worse, to the point it was coming out in clumps. My husband rushed me to the ER, I was sure I was miscarrying and the baby we loved before we convinced was gone but after the ultrasound, the doctor (whom was amazing) told me that everything was fine, I had a subchorionic hematoma. I asked if there was a chance for miscarriage and he said yes, sometimes it can send a clot through the umbilical cord and block it which then the baby has no oxygen. I was scared.. I was angry, confused, frustrated but he told me to go home and take an easy and only to move to go to the bathroom. Again, here is my poor husband who needs to work and take care of the family once again but we all have to make sacrifices somethings right?

July 15th, 2015

THE WORST & HARDEST DAY EVER!! 

Today my baby was found without a heartbeat. I can't explained to you the feelings I have right now. I am devastated. The hardest thing I believe you can ever go through in life is losing a child. A child that you never got to hold or meet.  I can remember the days to follow were very emotionally draining and difficult. I remember coming home and having to tell my kids that their baby brother/sister had died and wouldn't be coming home but instead was now sitting with the Lord himself in Heaven with their Nana Helen (Husband's Mom). Knowing that they were young and probably not understand what was actually happening was the hard for me. I expected tears and questions but got nothing, except I'm sorry Mommy, I love you, which meant so much. My OB had given me medication (called Misoprostol) to physically abort the baby, which my husband was not to keen on. The first thing I had asked my doctor for was a D&C since knowing my body does not take well to medication and I knew that it -misoprostol- would not work. She denied my claim and said give this a try first and we'll go from there. You should start this as soon as possible. Well my husband wanted me to wait. He wanted a second opinion because he was in the state of Denial. I on the other hand didn't know if I could wait.

July 16th, 2015 - Afternoon

My husband had been at work and I was at home, my parents had come and got the girls for the weekend, as I was in no shape to take care of them. I couldn't even think. I wanted to sleep. Well I woke up that afternoon numb and just thinking of having the baby still inside of me not alive was making me sick. So, I decided to give the medication a try and started with the first pill. I didn't feel anything that night, just some cramping.

July 17th, 2015

I took my second dose, at 10am and by 1pm everything just started to come out. The pressure, cramps were unbearable. I cried as I ran to the bathroom and felt it all. I remember after I though that it was done I stood up and went to pull up my pants only to feel something gross and look down to find the baby! Yes my baby was in my underwear. I sat back down on the toilet grab a tissue and picked it up and stared at it. UTTER SHOCK!! DISBELIEF! I called my sister - in- law right away and said I think I just gave birth to my baby. She was like WHAT THE!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? I said NOPE. I am holding it right now. It hand hands, a spin and a head with two black eyes. The rest of the night I was in so much pain, with the kids gone I broke down like cried out in agony with my husband trying to comfort me, well trying to comfort himself. I was in so much pain. I took my third dose of the medication and the pain was horrid. If anyone told me that the pain you go through is the 10x worst then giving birth I would give birth a 1000 x over then. My dear husband eventually went up to his mothers and got me a heating pad and I also had pain killers Oxy's. I took two of those and eventually fell a sleep.

July 19th, 2015

Well, I woke up that morning feeling alright, although I had the runs all Saturday and that morning so we decided to get out and go to the mall just to have something fixed and looked at, at the Apple Store. Well in the process, I had to stop every 10 minutes for the bathroom and before this my bleeding had basically slowed down but once at the mall the bleeding and pain started to get worse and I felt like my uterus was contracting really bad. I ended up at the hospital keeling over. They were able to get my in to Acute care once I explained everything and get me an ultrasound, which came back fine and emptied. I cried the whole way home, which they again gave me more oxy;s and sent me home.

July 21st, 2015

I woke up with unbearable pain and unfortunately I had my kids home and my husband at work and there was nothing that I could do. So, I waited for him to get home and at that point I was over it, I wanted answers as of to why I was in so much pain again. So, off to the hospital I went again. This time the good doctor checked me and notice that there was still tissue trying to come out but was stuck and he couldn't grab it with the tools they had in the ER so, he called an OB on call and they came and assessed me and get me an ultrasound which showed lots of left over tissue. At this point the only thing left to do was a D&C. So, at 10pm that night was brought into the OR that night, afterwards they brought me to the general surgery floor and at 2:30am I was released from the hospital to go home and rest. The next couple of weeks were much better.  We tried to just take time as a family and enjoy each other. We also went to Build a Bear and made a bear -which we named Gabriel as our baby is now an Angel of the Lord - with my baby's heart beat in it and also a heartbeat that they have for our baby with the baby remains inside (doctor confined that it was our baby) - which we cremated -. ♥︎

RIP Gabriel!! We love you Forever & Always! Even though we never got to meet you, You will always be our baby. Just an Angel and live in our hearts forever! ♥︎